The Way Back
by The Cynic
Summary: Novice Arina walks through the arches to face her fears. Rated PG for some violence.


"Novice Arina?" The woman's voice, though curt, carried a lingering overtone of amusement as it spoke, breaking the girl's concentration and shattering it into small, tinkling pieces.  
  
Instantly, Arina leaped up from the bench where she had been seated, day dreaming. Hastily tugging and straightening the annoying Whites, she gulped silently and stared sheepishly at bare feet. "Um!" Arina muttered, wriggling her toes in the dirt, "Kirlanna Sedai, I did not do anything." Mentally adding 'yet,' the girl blinked innocently at the older woman, meeting her gaze squarely, without looking away. It was a talent that at times she was glad of, at others, it wasn't the best quality to have.  
  
A smile quirked its way across the ageless Aes Sedai face, her eyes twinkled for a moment before she replied. "Of course you didn't," Kirlanna said, a bit too blandly, one eyebrow raised. "No, Novice Arina, I am not here to chastise or punish. You are to walk through the arches today."  
  
Whatever she had been expecting, that certainly wasn't it. Arina stared open-mouthed at the sister. "M- me?" she stammered, "I-- I'm not ready." No, not at all. The girl had heard, of course, that facing what lurked inside the three arches was horrible beyond imagining, and being a pragmatist, she wasn't at all anxious to face it anytime soon, despite the fact she'd never be raised to the shawl if the task was avoided. There was always time, for a future Aes Sedai.  
  
"Child, no one is," Kirlanna said patiently, one corner of her mouth twitching. "Ready or not, you must follow me -- there is no point in putting off what must be." Inclining her head to the side, the woman examined the girl a moment before pivoting on her heel and walking away, without looking back. Arina was left standing frozen, gawping wordlessly. The Aes Sedai did not indicate that she even noticed Arina's lack of motion.  
  
Regaining the power of kinetics after a good bit of staring dumbly, Arina also found her voice. "Kirlanna Sedai! Wait!" The woman, infuriatingly, continued, and Arina growled low in her throat, cursing Aes Sedai coolness. Hitching up her skirts, the girl tore across the grounds to catch up with the other, still yelling. "Wait for me!" Panting, she narrowed her eyes as the Aes Sedai nodded placidly and continued on her way.  
  
They wound their way through the passages until reaching the underground chamber that held the arches. Arina trailed a good bit behind Kirlanna, apprehensive. Silver eyes narrowed as she examined the chamber warily, noting the exits and possible lines of escape -- underneath the earth like this, she felt uncomfortably claustrophobic, especially with the three argent arches resting on their rings. Arina shivered despite herself, eyeing the flickering light emanating from the openings with a skeptical air. She did not ask questions.  
  
There were three Aes Sedai seated near each arch, where it met the rings, each in their shawls. There was another sister at the table, where several chalices rested. Grey noted a yellow shawl around Kirlanna's shoulders, and another around the woman in front of the first opening. There was a gray shawl wrapped around the second, a red, as well as a brown, blinking owlishly at the scene from where she stood at the table.  
  
Although she said nothing, Arina glanced questioningly at the Mistress of Novices, awaiting instructions. When they came, however, the girl yelped in surprise. "You want me to what?" she exclaimed, shocked and embarrassed. She could feel a red flush creeping upwards and staining her cheeks. The Aes Sedai glanced at each other, then back at her. "Novice Arina, please undress. Each aspirant must enter completely unprotected."  
  
Complying with a tightly drawn mouth, Arina wriggled out of her Whites and faced the first arch. Without hesitation, she walked through, shoulders squared.  
  
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Her clothes were the rags that she had worn every day of her life in Tanchico; a tawdry assortment of brightly dyed fabrics and moth brown burlap sack that hung tattered from her emaciated form. Arina stared wonderingly down at her dirty hands, while one part of her brain informed her that they had always been dirty, and the other insisted that the Aes Sedai forced her to keep fingers and palms sparkling clean. Aes Sedai? Arina smirked to herself -- she was getting ideas. Bad to do. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast. What was that?  
  
Arina shook her head in disdain -- hunger, most likely, was making her lose her bearings -- and trotted back towards the stairs, where Kessa would be waiting. Snuggled comfortably against her skin, inside her shirt, rested a large purse, just recently snitched from an unsuspecting noble. Kes would be quite happy with that one, it could keep them fed and clothed for a good amount of time. Arina slunk along the alleyways, confident in her domain.  
  
A prickle on the back of her neck, then another. Something was wrong. Arina broke into a run, sprinting towards the stairs, pushing past the small groups of people that lurked. Several cursed at her, but the girl paid them no mind. Got to get home! Be steadfast, echoed again in her hearing. Then the screams began. "KES!" she shrieked.  
  
"ARI!" It was Kes' voice, wracked with pain and panic both. Arina could make out other voices now, laughing to themselves. They faded into the distance, though, and as the girl tore around the corner, she was confronted with a sight that struck her dumb and motionless. Kes was sprawled in the alley, bleeding from wounds all over. The largest was her stomach, and there were definitely internal organs showing.  
  
"Kes.. Kes, what've they done t' y'?" Arina asked, as she found words and rushed to her friend's side, dropping to her knees and frantically trying to stop the steady pulsing of blood from the cuts. "Who? Why? Oh Light, Kes!" Tears dripped down her cheeks and onto Kessa's face, and the older girl smiled weakly up at Arina.  
  
"..D-dunno," she managed, voice raspy and thick with blood. "Jes'.. jes' some--" Coughing, she spouted red onto her lips, thin lines of crimson dribbled down Kessa's chin. "Thugs. Arina. Ari, y'.. help me. Y' healed me afore, 'member? Help.. me.."  
  
Arina stared wide-eyed, hands now covered in slippery red liquid. Was it true? When Kessa had gotten sick a couple of years back, Arina had sat with her, wishing to the Light that her friend would recover.. and then she did. Could she possibly help Kessa now? "I'll try, Kes. Light knows I'll try. Don' die on me.. please.."  
  
"I.. I won'.. not if.. if y'r h..helpin'," Kessa managed to gasp, before passing into unconsciousness. Arina lifted her hands, about to do something, anything.. she could feel a tingling racing through her arms, and knew that it would work, that she could heal Kes-- and-- then-- a misty silver arch appeared.  
  
"No! I can't go back!" Arina insisted, attempting to ignore the wavering form for a moment. She could save Kessa-- the other girl needn't die... The way back will come but once. Glancing from Kes' still form and back to the arch, Arina wiped tears from her face and fell through, light consuming her. "I'm sorry, Kes!" The last thing she saw as she looked over her shoulder was Kessa, lifting a hand weakly and then collapsing in a torn and bloody heap.  
  
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Silent, Arina stumbled through the arches, staring wide-eyed at the Aes Sedai confronting her. She shook wordlessly, as much in anger as in grief. I will not cry. I will not show them weakness. Despite her outer veneer of calm, she could feel herself going pale. I don't want to go through the next arch. Through the formalities she went, and then, spreading her arms wide, Arina leaped thoughtlessly into the next opening.  
  
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Through the door she walked, a sixteen-year old girl eager to see her family. They were poor, it was true, most of the people that lived in their area did. The neighborhood of Tanchico was not the best place to live, but again, it was all that they could manage. Arina was grateful for what she did have, and for her family. There was something she meant to tell them.. yes.  
  
"Mama?" the girl asked softly, slipping through the door silently and startling the plump woman, sewing at the table. Arina's mother looked frightened for a moment, then began to laugh, eyes crinkling to slits.  
  
"Ari, you should walk louder, yes?" Alyira Kisaane said, a mock scolding tone in her voice. "You know since last year, my hearing, it is not what it used to be." The woman added several stitches to the dress before continuing. "By the look on your face, you have good news, yes?" she asked, prodding gently for information.  
  
Flushed and excited, the girl crossed the room rapidly and sat down at the table. "Mama! Ren asked.. asked me to marry him, and serious was he!" The words tumbled out of her mouth as Alyira dropped her needle and surged out of the seat to hug her daughter fiercely.  
  
"Child! That is wonderful! I cannot wait to tell your father. Cieran should as well be home soon. For this, we will have a feast in your honor." Arina grinned, holding back happy tears as her mother smothered her in an embrace. It was times like these, that she loved her family so very much-- Mama, and Papa, and Cieran, her younger brother.  
  
"Thank you, Mama," she began, before something caught her eye. A silvery arch shimmering in the corner. Something about it jogged her memory, and instantly, her mouth fell open as she twisted away from Alyria's arms. "This is not my family. You are not my mother." The hurt on her mother's.. no, on the.. whatever she was.. on Alyira's face cut her to the bone, agonizing. I could stay. I could have a family. But resolutely, she wrenched herself free, and walked through the arch.  
  
Alyria's sobs echoed behind her.  
  
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Arina couldn't help it, she shivered violently as she prepared to face the next arch. Was this pain worth it? Argent optics flickered towards the sisters, who watched her calmly, expectantly. Through the next one. The final one. What would be the worst but -- how could anything be worse than what she had had to deal with already?  
  
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What is this-- where am I? Arina glanced down at herself, surprised. She wore a rough leather jerkin over a shirt of chain mail, and held a heavy longsword in her hand. Shocked for the barest of moments, the woman -- not girl, what could she have been thinking of -- rapidly regained her barrings, and blinked. Must've dozed off, she convinced herself, wondering idly how anyone could manage to sleep in a situation like this!  
  
The way back will come but once, echoed in her head, a thought not of her own volition or mind. Arina shook her head to clear it, sighing and rubbing her eyes. "Damn. The heat's getting to me.." she murmured, and a boy, dressed in much the same manner as she, without the longsword, quirked an eyebrow at her, questioning. "General Arina? Somethin' wrong?" An eager gaze took her in, ingenuous and ready to respond at the slightest whim.  
  
"No, Dayn, nothing's wrong. Just.. lost track of my thoughts for a second." She peered out onto the battlefield, the chaotic mess that gradually calmed. "They're retreating, the dogs!" But what could one expect of Darkfriends? Quickly, she calculated various plans of action in her head, staring grimly at the scorched earth, stained with blood. "Dayn, what were our losses?" Tired lines appeared at the sides of Arina's eyes, she always hated knowing, but death was necessary, especially against this foe.  
  
"Not much, Lady General. Runners give estimates of a hundred'r so. An' with the numbers we took in, 's quite good indeed." The boy nodded, all adolescent pride at his position, and jerked his chin in an affirmative bob. Despite the horrors already witnessed, Arina couldn't help but smile at Dayn's attitude. It gave her heart, to know what they were fighting for -- the futures of boys like him. "We will pursue them, cut off their retreat," Ari informed him, as the runners already prepared to take their orders to the lower ranked commanders.  
  
The way will come but once.  
  
They went, and the massed army moved towards the gap in the mountains, flowing through like a snake, a dangerous, sinuous, metallic reptile. Kicking her horse into a gallop, Ari whooped loudly, exhilarated. "Yeeeha!" she screamed, causing several of the soldiers to either grin, or roll their eyes. Some cheered and waved their pikes and spears in her direction. And then, as she followed the line towards the gap, -- the screams began.  
  
"Ambush!" someone yelled, and the rest took up the cry. Through the gap where they had been hidden boiled masses of Darkfriends, Trollocs, and Myrdraal. Arina screamed again, though this time, it was one of rage. They were waiting! How could I? I'm the general! I'm supposed to see things like this-- her men were getting slaughtered and there wasn't anything she could do about it. Spurring the horse forward, Arina drew her sword and threw herself whole heartedly into battle. "General!" Dayn cried, moving his own horse forward, "Go to the rear! You can't--"  
  
He was never able to finish the sentence. First, the horse was shot out from under his feet, a crossbow quarrel buried deep in its chest, and then, a Trolloc loped his head neatly off. Feeling sick, Arina avenged the boy and quickly dispatched of the creature -- the animal -- that had murdered him, mouth settling into a grim line as she did. Unable to cry, though she felt like sobbing. Poor.. child. He had only been a child. More important things to think about. Must. Fight. Desperately, she slid from the horse's saddle, throwing herself to the ground -- she was only making herself a target.  
  
Before Arina could get completely out of the saddle, though, another quarrel struck her in the shoulder, tearing flesh like rotten fruit. The force of the impact almost spun her around in a circle, and the pain was blinding; she stumbled, for a moment not daring to stare down at the wound. She knew her limb must be hanging by a thread of skin, she could feel it.. Helpless! I'm damned helpless! My men are getting killed and now this..  
  
A silvery arch hovered ghostly before her, and Arina stared, dazed at it. Be steadfast. The way will come but once. "General! Please, help us! We've no chance!" one of the men gasped, floundering in the mud. Chaos pain blood screams grinning Trollocs dirt agony no mercy what to do what-- the arch shimmered ethereal and cool in front of her. "HELP US!"  
  
Through the arch she fell, eyes shut, lip bleeding from where she had bitten it.  
  
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Arina collapsed on the floor in front of the arches, frantically feeling her arm to make sure it was still there. No blood. She was perfectly fine. Fine? No. I was helpless. I could have done nothing, she thought, but presented a silent face to the Aes Sedai before her, mute accusing stare fixed on Kirlanna's face. She would not give them the satisfaction of seeing her sob and grovel -- but Arina's face was stark white, and she shook so that it seemed skin was trying to separate from bone.  
  
"You are washed clean of Arina of Tanchico," they intoned, "You are washed clean of all ties that bind you to the world. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul. You are Arina, Accepted of the White Tower." It was a monotonous drone, seemingly impersonal and practiced, and she raged silently, cold and afraid. I don't feel clean.  
  
"I hate you," Arina said quietly, narrowing her eyes as knowingly amused looks flitted across serene Aes Sedai features. Almost spitting with rage now, the tight-eyed gaze dared the woman to speak as to what was so amusing.  
  
"Every woman says that, daughter," one of them said, handing her the ring. "Every one." Arina felt chilled, though her shivers gradually slowed and ceased, the gold freezing on her finger. The serpent twined around itself, never ending, and she wondered how in the name of the Light she'd ever manage to become an Aes Sedai.  
  
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Erm, Kirlanna Sedai is (C) her player; all the rest is my invention -- and of course RJ's. :D 


End file.
